Obstacles to make us stronger

September 1, 2010

Okay, here goes nothing.

Last semester when I was here, I got lonely. And one day led to another day and another another day. I had a little fling. Hmm, probably not so little. But it made life (at that moment) happier. It made me happier.

This is probably going to sound very sexist. But there is some type of company, the praises, the attention, the sweet nothings, that impacts more if said by a member of the opposite sex.

Something as mundane as “I think your hair is pretty like that” when said by a girl, you gush about your latest hairstylist and then start debating about curls versus rebonded tresses. However, the same sentence, “I think your hair is pretty like that” when said by a boy, you blush. I said, “I don’t eat sweet talk” but truth is, I was flying inside.

Then I started to fall for this fling. I fell so fast the only way to pull the brakes before I hit the ground hurting, was to ran away. Back to Singapore. Back to what was familiar, what was comforting, what was safe.

I got into a relationship.

It was lovely. But I cannot hide forever. I returned here and I saw said fling. The quicken heartbeats and nervousness returned. I started questioning my relationship. Suspecting his intentions. Finding fault to tell myself a habit is not love.

But fling has moved on. He probably didn’t fall like I did. Or maybe what we shared was something temporal for both him and me. A little comfort when days here seem to drag forever. Then I made a mistake. I let the secret out.

So the time came for make it or break it.

I told the boyfriend. No doubt it must have hurt. Although I did not cheat – we were not together at that point in time – we were talking daily like we have been for years. To some extent, its betrayal still?

I was prepared to lose him. To let the whole castle we have been building crumble before my eyes. Metaphorically speaking. I cried in the shower before he called just so I sound composed. Actions have consequences I had to accept that.

But he says we will press on. He says he loves me. He says he forgives.

He did not even insist for fling’s name! That to me is maturity. Trusting I want to let go of this piece of past and not wanting too much detail to spoil the bigger picture.

So to everyone who says I was stupid to wait 4 years for this guy, I think I chose right. We may not last forever, I know. But today and right now, he is mine.

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2 Responses to “Obstacles to make us stronger”

  1. cairong Says:

    awwwww joy <3 good luck and pls invite me to your wedding ok!

    • Joy Says:

      haha, havent hit the 2 mth mark yet, wedding already ah? :)) dont forget to invite me to yours also!!! i will give big big angbao one. :D

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